There is a conundrum afoot. I don’t want to write, I don’t want to scroll content, I don’t play games, thus I have limited options to occupy myself as I try to find sleep. I have foregone coffee so there is still a chance I can find some winks but what do I do in the meantime that doesn’t involve something productive?
I could look for some music, but every time I try I just get annoyed. Do I merely like the music of my era because it was my era or was the music of my era actually the best music of all time? I think most people who experienced the music of their teenage years will claim those songs as the best there ever was, but most of those people are wrong.
I can enjoy a complex and engaging classical tune from Chopin or Tchaikovsky or what have you, but I am pretty sure no one is bumping that shit outside of weddings or as background noise at dinner parties. Yet I am guessing the teenagers back in 1850 were convinced their music was way better than ye olde Shakespearian lute jams.
Don’t get me started on Gregorian Chant.
The debate really takes hold when the 70’s music old heads argue with the 60’s music even older heads while the 80’s heads sit in the corner stroking their Casio keyboards. All the while the 90’s heads know for a fact their music was the best because at no other time in history could you turn on the radio and hear hit songs from nearly every known genre.
No other decade bumped Ska, Reggae, Rock, Rap, Alternative, Experimental, Metal, Grunge, Hip-Hop, Pop, Bubblegum, R&B, Electronic, Country, Latin Pop, Dance, Punk, Industrial, Nu Metal, Glam, Boy Bands, and whatever the fuck Primus is.
Shit. Even Christian Rock had some hits.
Sure the previous decades had some great tunes, but never were there so many choices and so many excellent offerings until the 90’s came along. The 90’s was also that last great decade before computers took hold and absolutely destroyed what music should be. Instead of musicians perfecting their instruments we got autotune and perfectly timed mixes. The humanity was stripped in favor of the formula and music has not been the same since.
Who is this? Noodle Blaster? Asphalt Junky? No, it’s Seven Ways to Suck. Oh, it sounds just like Static Cling.
Now there are even AI songs polluting the scene and that reality makes me want to take a sledgehammer to the pelvis.
The Amish may be on to something.
I don’t know. I am sure there is still good music being made, but it is like trying to find a pearl in an ocean of plastic. There are good songs, but hardly anyone writes albums anymore. I used to hear shit that blew my mind every other day. Now it is every couple of years.
Part of this is, I am not investing a ton of time digging through the crates. I don’t have the strength. There are a lot of problems with the gatekeepers of old but they did keep every shitty garage band out of the mix until they had something worth selling. Now every dickhead with access to the internet can put music out. Some of it is good. Some of it is straight garbage. Some of it is viral for no discernable reason.
Take Rap for example. It started with DJ’s. They had the beats that moved the crowds. The MC was almost an afterthought. Now it is all about the MC and the beats are more often than not a hot steaming pile of meh. Granted, having to pay for samples really killed the genre, but come on. You can pull the digital cock out of your ass and use a turntable once in a while.
I can hear the groans from the youths. You just don’t get it man. You’re giving skibbidy cap bussin rizz in the six seven toilet or whatever.
Meanwhile they would sell their left nut for a vintage Nirvana t-shirt with no understanding that Soundgarden was better and Layne was the greatest voice to ever do it.
Psst. Hey. Poser. Go listen to Gruntruck and come back to me.
Even grunge lost it’s soul. Hey dickheads, its in the name. It’s supposed to sound like you are desperate, hammering out songs in your garage because you can’t concentrate on anything else. The later albums sold well but they weren’t good. They were too clean, overproduced, computerized, robotified.
The world fell in love with grunge because it was raw. Then it took a shower, cut it’s hair, and got sober.
Now Pearl Jam, on the other hand, they are an anomaly. Ten was an outstanding album. As time went on the Neil Young element crept in and the shine faded on my fandom. They have stayed together, put out albums that sound like Pearl Jam, certainly a little less crunchy than the early days but faithful to their sound. I can’t say their music turned wildly different. I just realized after a while I didn’t really like Pearl Jam.
Side note I just want to say fuck The Red Hot Chili Peppers.
Anyway, even if I stopped listening after their second album, I respected the hell out of Pearl Jam for suing Ticketmaster. I suppose props to Taylor Swift for finally having enough clout to hold them accountable for being pricks for the past half century, but you should really be thanking Pearl Jam for being the first to try to knock down that door.
I saw Pearl Jam at the heart of their popularity at Red Rocks for $21.80, and their complaint was that ticket prices were too high. They sued Ticketmaster and felt the sting of not being able to play certain venues because of the chokehold Ticketmaster had on distribution.
I don’t know. Taylor Swift never played Red Rocks because she doesn’t understand what music is so it’s difficult to compare, but good on her.
Also fuck Pearl Jam. Not that I want to go see them, but their tickets are in the hundreds of dollars nowadays so that battle seems to have been more about their pockets than the fans.
Also fuck Metallica.
Long live Napster!
My next argument for why 90’s music is better than all other music is the simple fact that they went so hard the government had to get involved. Tipper Gore restricted certain music purchases to 18+ and we wore that shit like a badge. They had to start putting warning labels on our music and everyone knew the real shit had that sticker.
I can hear the groans from the 80’s heads. “That started in the 80’s with 2 Live Crew.”
Shut up nerd. That was 1989 so close enough and most of your music sucks ass fur.
Fuck Kajagoogoo.
What I remember of it all was the whole freedom of speech thing. I think that’s in the Constitution, but I could be wrong. If it is, people seem to forget. I suppose what our government decided is that yeah, you have to freedom to speak but you don’t have the freedom to listen until you are 18. Of course a lot of bullshit is heaped on to the children of the world as if they don’t get any human rights until they hit some magical arbitrary day.
Also, AC/DC can suck it.
I don’t understand what it is about music and musicians that get’s peoples panties in a bunch. Elvis took heat for shaking his hips on television. The Beatles got thrashed for thinking they were bigger than Jesus. Society thought metal music was sending satanic messages subliminally. Then people used bad words and called women bitches.
Oh the shame of it all.
Sure, some guy made a painting of Jesus out of poop and made the news, but they aren’t putting age restraints on paintings, books, or other artforms. I mean pornography is limited but if that pornography appears on a vase from Roman times it isn’t. I guess movies are restricted too, but that is a voluntary scheme that is not enforced by law. Music is legally required to warn you of those dastardly expletives that are going to hurt your widdle ears.
I could go the rest of my life and not hear a Pink Floyd song again and be happy.
How many of your tax dollars were spent trying to curtail speech and peoples access to it? I suppose the controversy probably helped sell records, but telling me what is appropriate isn’t up to some buttknock in Washington. If you don’t like it, don’t listen. If you don’t like your kids listening to it, tell them, then get the fuck over it real fast when they disobey you.
Gunz N’ Roses can gargle balls.
I just think they should be fair. If you want to have congressional hearings about naughty words, give equal time to label other kinds of music. Emo should come with a sticker with the suicide hotline. Metal could warn about possible future chiropractic need from headbanging. Sexyy Red could have a warning explaining the impending brain damage and loss of IQ.
Though I will say, “pussy pink bootyhole brown” makes me laugh. Though my IQ is certainly questionable.
So is my hope for sleep.
I need coffee. . . and a cigarette.
What a great travel through time 👏🏻