2:15 am

on God. . .

I need to go outside. Some fresh air might do me good. At the same time I am annoyed at how few stars I can see nowadays. When I was young the sky was awash in twinkles. It probably doesn’t help that my distance vision has gone to shit and I refuse to get glasses. Mainly because I had 20-20 vision my whole life and now am staring down the barrel of bifocals.

Fuck.

Maybe I am getting old.

Wriggling my toes in the cool grass under the glow of a gibbous moon I want to be calm but something is still pestering me. Staring out at creation I can usually be distracted from the mundane itch of existing as a human in an inhumane world. Feeling out of place and unable to sleep it off has me doubting there is anything out there to save me.

God is dead according to Nietzsche. I don’t know. I never read him. I do know a bunch of folks subscribe to the idea of nihilism, and it is hard to argue against it when no matter what you do, meaning remains elusive. But that’s the rub. You can give your own life meaning. It doesn’t have to be ordained from on high. Meanwhile the godfather of Emo developed dementia and stroked out which seems a bit karmic.

No wait. The godfather of Emo is Poe. Nietzsche is the godfather of like pseudointellectual twattery.

Anyway, It is pretty easy to prove the existence of God. The difficult bit is proving the human, dogmatic, interpretation of God. Without getting mired in the arguments it is simple. Stuff exists. Something probably had to create the stuff for it to exist. Whether or not this something is conscious and sits in the clouds with a white beard throwing lightning bolts is the debatey part.

If I am conscious, why wouldn’t something else be?

My method to deal with the Atheist cult is to appeal to science. If the universe is infinite and if there are infinite dimensions as postulated, every possible outcome is on the table. One of those dimensions has the bearded, lightning lobbing bearded thingy, and if the nature of God is to be omnipresent it means it exists in every dimension, thus in every universe.

Q.E.D.

Simples.

Again. Not trying to argue or change minds. You do you. I just know it seems like an instinctual urge of human beings to look up to the sky and yearn for benevolence to be out there. There is something in our DNA that makes us believe there is an entity of some sort we can appeal to for a reprieve from the pain of living. We need there to be reason and compassion beyond the chaos. We recognize when something feels purely evil so we expect there to be a counterpart.

Or you choose nihilism and annoy people at parties.

While I am not a fan of trying to cram God into something the human mind can comprehend and directly interact with, I do understand the desire. I mean, if ever there was a time when we needed a messiah, it is now. Yeah, I am sure in the ago times things were pretty messed up, but things nowadays seem particularly fuckey. The level of destructive power coupled with the lack of moral accountability nowadays seems floodworthy.

It is 2026 for fucks sake. We are supposed to have flying cars, and robot maids and shit. Where’s the love? Where’s the cooperation? Where’s the acceptance? Oh, it’s over there, next to the “How to Screw Your Fellow Man Over for Profit” book.

I am by no means a world traveler, so I don’t know for sure that greed is a global problem. Still, I don’t see a mass exodus to a country where money comes secondary to the wealth of the human heart. I suppose it is too difficult to concentrate on love through all the distractions of job, bills, and dogshit on the rug.

I guess that’s why so many relationships fail. People tend to get wrapped up in the bullshittery and forget why they are here in the first place. All of a sudden the person they vowed to love forever becomes just another source of stress. Love somehow takes a back seat to their partner forgetting to rinse their dishes for the 724th time.

Then again you can’t discount the access to new relationships. One wrong move and your insignificant other can just jump on their phone and scroll through a near endless supply of people willing to make promises they have no intention of keeping. Why put in the effort to mend or maintain a relationship when you can roll the dice and get lost in that new relationship smell?

The government and thee corporations see the individual human being as disposable so why can’t you?

God is love, so perhaps God is dead.

You are born to be loved, built to love, not built to amass the most amount of useless crap in the land. Your meaning is not to have your ego stroked by a thumbs up icon and digital hearts. You weren’t made to ignore love in favor of a screen that does nothing but make you feel like you are undeserving of love.

Put your fucking phone down and go love somebody.

Make sure it is consensual and age appropriate.

Fuck you all for making me have to qualify that shit.

Gross ass. . . fucking. . . ew machines. . .

There is so much meaningless crap in the world. It doesn’t surprise me that people lose touch with each other. Suddenly all of the things we have subscribed to become more important than the living, breathing, flesh and blood surrounding us. We move like drones in a hive, regurgitating empty quips like “I love you”, then spend the rest of our time scrolling for a hit of artificial affection.

When you die, the phone will not weep for you. Your AI companion will not grieve. The material wealth you amassed will not grant you favor on the other side. It will be something the people you should have been loving fight over. Even if you leave a legacy the masses will eventually pick you apart and tear your statue down.

I suppose I am lucky for having the long view. I grew up without the Internet. Hell, when I was young there were barely any TV stations and they went off air at night. I have lived in both the analog and the digital world. I remember the promises the nerds made about how much better life was going to be once they got a computer in every home. I remember experiencing the wonder of how connected I felt when the internet went widespread.

Now I am facing the AI revolution. The nerds are all making the same promises. Stay the course and this computerized life is going to be so much better. All of the problems are finally going to be solved. All of your dreams will come true at the push of a button. Utopia is at hand.

Bow to your digital God.

Life is not better now than it was before computers. There are niche scenarios where computing has improved efficiencies and helped science take leaps forward, but that’s about it. The Earth isn’t less polluted. Humans are not happier. Relationships are not more stable. Society isn’t any more utopian. Perhaps our ability to murder one another has improved but I can’t think of much else.

Porn. Porn has definitely benefitted.

Something we should all be very proud of.

Fucking. . . odious ass. . . no self control havin’ . . . perverts!

The lot of you.

Go wash your hands.

I am not sure what to believe anymore. All I know is the hypocrisy is angersome. When you purport to believe in a system whose number one commandment is to not kill but you support war? That is some fuckery. It also starts to break down because apparently killing only applies to humans. Kill the non-humans all you want. Then if you want to kill humans you just have to say they are not human. Just label them something else and you are spiritually home free.

It is difficult to disbelieve in good when it is so easy to recognize evil. I can smell it. It isn’t so much brimstone as ozone. It is in the offgassing of cheap plastic being heated by even cheaper electronics. It is in the way my television can’t be a television without passwords and wifi. It is in the conversation that devolves into comment snipes and friend requests from user 4525158825123212. It is in the glossy uncanny valley disgust of AI slop.

That motherfucker is not real!

There are folks out there warning of the coming dystopian nightmare. I am experiencing the horror right now. I am luckily still having genuine human experiences, but the frequency is waning. More and more of my life is falling into the black hole of digital false promises. I can see the zombie horde on the horizon and I know there is nothing I can do to stop it. I can hunker down and try to not get bit, but the takeover is here.

Everything is my gut is screaming.

It may just be the cheese danish talking.

Progress? Why is this expected to be a good thing. You can progress toward annihilation. You can progress toward genocide. You can progress toward a life devoid of connection to everything real in favor of a curated and cultivated artificial life devoid of substance. Progress isn’t always positive.

There is this thing called “rabbit starvation”. In essence, you can fill your belly with food and still starve. Some compounds are fat soluble and rabbit doesn’t contain enough fat or carbs to allow your body to absorb the nutrients. You cannot survive on rabbit alone no matter how much you consume. You starve to death with your belly full.

The digital world is the same way. Touching grass is essential. The thing is, the opposite is not true. If you touch grass all the time you don’t need to go digital to survive. You can eat all the real world you want and never worry about starving. Granted it isn’t always yummy, but it has everything you need. You do not need this computerized nonsense. Further it actually might be poisoning you.

There is no salvation at the end of the endless scroll. There is no nutrition in the metrics of likes and subscribes. There is only the bleeding. Advertisements trying to bleed you of your money. Soulless corporations trying to bleed you for your information. Attention vampires trying to bleed you of your time. A culture trying to bleed you of your humanity.

Resistance is futile.

I think I will go for a walk. Head to the stream and let the burble of water try to pierce this storm in my mind. Perhaps I will find something other than trash and the remnants of homeless camps on it’s banks. Perhaps I will find a cool rock or an amazing stick to play with for a while. Perhaps I will find something to remind me I am human and the world was made for me.

Perhaps I will find something to assure me that God is not dead after all.