12:45 am

on drugs. . .

With the burble of the electric kettle echoing I grab my French press. I am not a coffee snob by any means. Having an extra appliance for drip brew is simply an annoyance I abandoned many moons ago. Yes, cleaning the press is a pain in the rectal area but it provides more control over the strength of the sauce.

I will keep this hit light.

With that, sleep is off the table. As I wait until the water boils I may as well huff some tobacco and try not to curse the heavens. I know I should quit. I tried a few times since my kids were born, but I could never find an adequate coping mechanism for the times when life wanted to slather me in chaos.

Plus suckling the devils teat has been a lifestyle since 1995.

I have engaged many alternatives to the death sticks. The patch does nothing for the oral fixation. The lozenges are absolute trash. I had good success with the gum but it makes me hiccup. I tried the old school e-cigs but they were garbage and I refuse to become that asshole who vapes. Hell I even tried switching to a pipe but I couldn’t be that douche either.

I hand rolled smokes for a while and they are tolerable, but there is a reason cigarettes have been the preferred delivery method for centuries. Even without the so called addictive additives and delicious flame retardants, cigarettes have reached the pinnacle of design. Much like the Bic lighter I have used for 30 years to light them.

Aaaaaaah. Sweet slow suicide.

The major problem for me is, if I have coffee, I want to smoke. Thus I will need to quit both if I have any hope of getting clean. I could try to replace the addiction with healthy habits and try to live to be 100, but I suppose I will just wait for the inevitable heart attack and go from there.

When I started, packs were $1.40. I swore I would quit if they ever surpassed $2. Then the cutoff was $5, then $10. I watched as laws were passed banning indoor smoking, then limiting outdoor smoking, and even creating tobacco free zones. All the while I remained helplessly addicted and swore that someday I would quit.

It’s on the list.

I suppose I am lucky in a way. I tried a lot of different drugs back in the day. The fact that I came out of it all with only a smoking habit is no small miracle. I can admit to having had a complicated relationship with alcohol and marijuana, but even in my heaviest eras of use I could always put them down without struggle.

After a while I just grew out of it. Having kids helped, but there wasn’t some grand plan or set date for quitting. I haven’t smoked weed in like 8 years and I haven’t had a drink in probably 3 or 4. Even then I would maybe have a beer or two on my birthday if I had any at all. It wasn’t a conscious choice, the desire to be altered just faded away.

I suppose that’s why I still smoke and drink coffee. I don’t feel the least bit altered by it. I only feel the pangs of need when I haven’t had some in a while. I could probably have a beer or two and exist in the same space but for the most part I see alcohol as poison and not worth the effort.

I mean really. More people are killed by alcohol every year than all firearm deaths combined including suicides. I get that school shootings have a thump to the egregiousness of the tragedy, but it is no less tragic when a child dies via drunk driver or endures a life of agony at the hands of an abusive alcoholic parent. It’s just that those stories don’t linger in the news cycle, and in the end there is no clamor to ban “assault” booze.

Marijuana always seemed like the better choice but fourteen years later I am hindsighting the shit out of the legal weed thing. Tokesters like to brag about how high they can get or how much they can consume, and especially how strong their weed is. That mentality has gotten out of control and some of us just want a little brick weed schwaggy buzz, not to be orbiting Pluto every time we puff. With alcohol you can get a beer. With weed you are basically mainlining moonshine in your eyeball.

What started as a plant you could smoke turned into a genetically masterminded clone army of schizophrenia inducing what the fuck even is this shit? Weed is no longer strong, that shit is on steroids. It went from being “from the Earth, man” to let’s test the theory that it is impossible to overdose.

At least when it was underground people had to use on the sly. Now it is all in your face and I have to sit here watching Hippie Von Skunkster struggle with the self-checkout. Then I watch as they meander out into the parking lot and drive away.

I don’t know. I am pretty Libertarian when it comes to drugs and alcohol. I am not asking the world to ban booze or marijuana or really any substance for that matter, but there is no denying that drugs have consequences. I think legalizing it has consequences too, and there is no putting that genie back in the bottle.

At the same time I don’t think anyone should have to be locked in a cage for snoofin’ a bit of the dank or torturing themselves with fruit flavored IPA twattery. The problem with anything be it drugs or gambling or whatever is that there are people who lack self-control. It isn’t right to limit my freedoms because some people can’t hold their mud, but society does tend to need guardrails.

Now they are legalizing mushrooms, and I am on board with it. I am also curious to see if the promise of psychedelics is real. Maybe the expansion of consciousness will usher in a new renaissance. Perhaps opiate addiction will give way to a return to a sincere human connection with nature and the understanding that we are all tethered to one another. I certainly would like to see fewer fentanyl zombies doing yoga so however we can get that accomplished please.

Although I will say there is a benefit to encountering your local methed out waistoid hanging out at the corner store when you have kids. The drug use conversation can be tricky when you want to give your children a tangible understanding of the consequences of drug use. The old egg in the pan “this is your brain on drugs” campaign is far less effective than being confronted by a real life gnarly toothed meth ghoul with their head split open because they were dancing in traffic.

True story.

It can be difficult for parents to navigate. I chose to be honest about my drug use. I have been sober for most of their life aside from the smokes and the cigs so they didn’t have the monkey see monkey drink and smoke weed thing to contend with. I also wanted to get ahead of the experimentation so we have been discussing drugs for most of their lives in one way or another.

I think I have given them the tools and support necessary to make good choices so I have decided to keep their options open with as much education as I can muster.

Do all the drugs, but try to wait until after your brain develops at age 25 or so. Drugs can be fun but understand I didn’t have the same risks you will face. Nothing in my day was laced the way it is now. Taking something now can kill you.

Addiction is no joke. You see the results all around you all the time. Not everyone who takes drugs will become hopelessly addicted, but if you do, that hopelessness is fucking bleak. You are more likely to end up in prison than a treatment center so choose your drugs wisely.

I would rather you smoke weed than drink. Alcohol can strip you of control. You drink enough and you stop being able to walk.

Weed doesn’t do that to you.

Keep drinking and your brain will shut off completely and you will either black out and not remember what you did or what was done to you, or you will pass out and be at the mercy of whomever finds you.

Weed doesn’t do that to you.

Drink enough and you will vomit. You can choke to death on your own vomit, or you can get alcohol poisoning and die if you take it far enough.

Weed doesn’t do that to you.

No matter what, if you get in a car and kill someone your life is over so don’t be an idiot.

At the same time drinking can be relaxing and fun, but mostly it is a tragedy wrapped up like a celebration. Spend some time around drunk people sober and things will become apparent real quick.

Meanwhile 70% of Americans are on at least one prescription drug, with a lot of them on multiple. This doesn’t account for illicits, so some percentage of that remaining 30 is altered as well. All driving around and using self-checkout. The world will tell you not to use drugs but encourage you to use “medication” so good luck kids.

Whatever you choose, I love you, and sobriety is pretty great if you let it be.

As for me, sure I smoke. Sure I drink coffee. I am not the picture of perfect habits and health, but I am also not on any medications and I rarely get sick. I feel pretty good considering. Maybe I can’t call myself sober, but in reality, who can?